


I Fear No Evil

by iliveinthemoon



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Gen, Hurt, Injury Recovery, Love, M/M, Major Character Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Serious Injuries, Tags May Change, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 10:53:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5331503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iliveinthemoon/pseuds/iliveinthemoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a shooting on the steps of the Courthouse</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for choosing to have a look at this story.
> 
> Disclaimer I do not own any of the characters featured in this story apart from the original ones.

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

_I was walking down the steps of the Courthouse, further back than Lieutenant Benson, Sargent Dodds and Detectives Tutuola, Rollins and Carisi. Suddenly I hear Detective Carisi shout “Barba get down” and the next thing I know I hear a bang and Detective Carisi is on top of me on the steps._

_I’m winded and my back hurts, but then I realize that Detective Carisi isn’t moving. His head is slumped against my shoulder and his breath ragged against my neck._

_I hear the voices of Lieutenant Benson and Detective Rollins. They’re asking me if I’m alright, but all I can think about is that Detective Carisi isn’t moving. I gently push him off me, with the help of the Lieutenant and Detective Rollins._

_I breath the air back into my lungs and look to my side and see Lieutenant Benson checking Detective Carisi for a pulse and my heart freezes. His eyes are closed and he's completely still. Her face is grim as are the faces of the Sargent and Detectives. Panic begins to set in and I try to get to my feet, but they’re not working. I feel a grip around my arm and see the eyes of Detective Tutuola looking back at me. He’s asking me if I’m alright, and I nod and shake my head and try to speak, but no words will come out._

_I need to see if Detective Carisi is okay. I need to know if he’s alive. I hold my breath and the expression on Lieutenant’s face softens slightly. “He’s got a pulse.” Four words that sound like music to my ears. He’s alive. Just about._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow thank you guys for the comments and the kudos'!!!! :D:D:D
> 
> I'll admit I'm struggling a little bit with this and I fear that this chapter will be nothing on the first one (I think I've written something like five versions of this chapter, but settled for this one :S) Please be gentle.
> 
> Disclaimer - I do not own the characters featured in this fic, unless they're original of course.

_xxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxoo_

_Detective Carisi coughs and wheezes. He is conscious. He is awake and alert and hell everyone looks relieved. Lieutenant Benson crouches down next to him telling him to breathe steady and that the ambulance is on its way._

_Detective Carisi is clutching at his chest, struggling to breathe, reaching for his tie trying to loosen it. Lieutenant Benson undoes it for him and shoves it in her coat pocket. There is blood oozing from his chest and Lieutenant Benson has to bat his hand away, he is trying to touch the wound. She grips his hand tightly to stop him._

_Detective Tutuola is holding me up until he decides to sit me down on the step only a few feet away from Detective Carisi. He keeps asking me if I’m okay, saying he wants to make sure I’m not suffering from shock. I mean I am in shock, of course I am. Detective Carisi had stood in between a man and me, taking a bullet intended for me._

_My eyes are fixed on the incredibly pained face of Detective Carisi. He is taking Lieutenant Benson’s advice and trying to breathe slower instead of the rapid and ragged breathes when he first came round._

_Then he turns his head and is looking straight at me. And I just stare right back at him, my heart beating faster. My stomach churning, I’m short of breath, ironic given how Detective Carisi is struggling to breathe at all._

_But our eyes lock and suddenly everything feels calm, I can’t explain it. All I know is I feel something I have never felt, or at least not in a long time. I feel overwhelming love for another person._

_That man lying on the ground being soothed by his boss had risked his life for me. He had put himself in harms way, in danger for me. And all I can do is stare at him. I can’t even thank him. I can’t even speak, or move. I just sit there, like some sort of statue, while he battles for his life, while I’m trying to comprehend my own thoughts, my own feelings._

_Anyway the paramedics arrive and come bounding up the steps to attend to Detective Carisi. At first he simply keeps watching me, and his breathing is calmer and he looks a little less in pain. Then he has to turn his attention to the people who are trying to save his life. And it feels like a band-aid is being ripped from my heart. What if that is the last time he looks at me like that? He looks so calm, with only hints of pain in his blue eyes, it’s like he wants to tell me something but can’t, that the words wont or can’t come out. What if he dies? He is bleeding from a gunshot wound to the chest and it sounds like his lung is failing him. What if he dies and I never hear those words he wants to say to me?_

_I know he is interested in me. It’s not like he’s discreet about it. Not much about Detective Carisi is discreet. He’s loud, brash, opinionated, a try hard. But also one of the kindest, most compassionate men I have ever met. And I know he loves me. I know he’s never said it and I may never get to hear him say it. And that thought breaks my heart. And the thought that he may never hear me tell him that I love him. Because I do, you know. I am in love with Dominick ‘Sonny’ Carisi Junior. I just haven’t told him. And I want to tell him. I need to tell him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and I really hope it wasn't too bad :(:)
> 
> I apologise for any errors or mistakes :/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this one written and ready and because I personally am not a big fan of chapter 2 I'm throwing this one out there (because I'm happier with this one)
> 
> Disclaimer - none of the characters featured are my own, except the original ones

_xxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxoo_

_The next time I see Detective Carisi he is sitting up in his hospital bed, bandages on his chest, a nasal cannula around his head, his hair not so perfect. He looks tired. His eyes are hooded with heavy lids. He’s gazing out of the window; I didn’t think he saw me. Until I turn to leave and I hear his rasping voice “Rafael”. He calls me by my name. Not Barba, not counselor. Rafael._

_My heart skips a beat, and my breath catches in my throat. I turn around slowly, knowing full well that I’m blushing. I can feel the red burn on my cheeks. I have to suppress a smile, a smile at the sound of my name on his pink and pouting lips._

_I walk over to his bedside, my eyes studying the floor. I can’t look at him, not yet. I need to compose myself. I need to be serious, he had been shot, and it’s no time to smile._

_“_ _Rafael” there it is again, my voice on his lips and I have to fight the urge to look at him._

_I get to the chair and sit down without invitation. I take a steadying breath and slowly lift my head to look at him. My eyes drift over him, his pale skin, the sterile white bandage covering the exit wound for the bullet intended for me. Then there’s his toned abdomen with the line of pubic hair from his naval that disappears beneath the covers, and the sprinkling of chest hair and I want to run my fingers over and through it. Perhaps my gaze lingers a little too long there, it must have as he coughs._

_And with that my eyes dart up to meet his. I know I’m blushing furiously and my palms are sweaty. I feel like a teenage boy going on a first date, not a forty-something successful Harvard Law educated Manhattan Assistant District Attorney._

_“Rafael are you okay?” I hear him mutter and I can’t help but scoff, there it is, his compassion even when he’s the one who’s hurting._

_He’s the one in a hospital bed, he’s the one who got shot and he’s bothered about me, wanting to know if I’m okay. God I love him._

_“I’m fine, thank you Detective.” And there it is, even then I can’t help but be a dick to him, and I see the look of disappointment in his eyes, it makes me feel like I just kicked a puppy._

_He saved my life and I still can’t help myself._

_“_ _I’m sorry. How are you feeling?” Now there’s a dumb question to ask someone hooked up to machines in hospital._

_Thankfully he skirts over my usual attitude, the way he always does, by his need to please and his own sense of humour._

_“I’ve been better to be honest. But it’s worth it. I couldn’t let you get shot. You’d be an absolute nightmare. Think of the poor hospital staff if you were in this bed and not me” He forces a small chuckle._

_But it quickly turns into a coughing fit and by the end of it he’s gasping for air and clutching his chest._

_And I just sit there, watching in horror. Watching as a nurse rushes into the room and is assisting him, helping him to regain himself. I nearly got the man killed once and now this, I’m clearly not good for him._

_S_ _o I jump to my feet and the chair falls over making him look at me. His eyes are red and streaming with tears and his face red. But he’s looking at me. And it’s that same look from when he was lying on the steps of the Courthouse._

_As a Doctor joins the nurse, drawing Sonny’s attention away from me I slip out of the room. I hurry round the corner and press my back against the wall, clutching my hand over my mouth, tears threatening to fall from my eyes and my chest heaving. I am such a coward._

_And that is how and where you found me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - hope it was okay.
> 
> Sorry for any errors or mistakes.
> 
> Who do you think Rafael has been reliving this all to??

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading - I hope you enjoyed it so far, please let me know what you think :)
> 
> Please excuse any errors or mistakes - no-one checks it over for me :/


End file.
